Tonight I had a strange set of emotions flood over me. They came as I surfed the web looking to ease the pre bedtime boredom. I started thinking about Canada, and the road trip that is just now 1 month behind me. It brought such a feeling of Nostalgia. Yet I feel weird to admit that I'm already nostalgic about a place I was just only a month ago. I always thought Nostalgia only could come with larger amounts of time, yet I cannot deny what I'm feeling.
I'm not certain why but I loaded up Google maps, I focused on northern Indiana. I zoomed in several times until I saw the very small dot of Ossian Indiana. I began panning north with my cursor, following highway69 with it all the way through Michigan into Port Huron. Images of the drive were flowing through my brain. The wide open road, the sunlight beating down, the radio, the trees, the farms, the hills, Kim sitting in the seat beside me. The sheer amount of freedom that I felt. I remember the feeling of not knowing when we would arrive, not knowing exactly what Canada would look like, or what road would take us there. But just knowing that hours away there was a destination, and the drive to me (being an armature traveler beamed with adventure) I miss that road, and I miss that feeling. Google Maps says from Ossian to Winsdor is only 3 1/2 hours. A little longer than it takes to go to Bloomington. I fantasize Naively about taking a day or two trip there.. Yet a fantasy only goes so far, and I'm left to focus back on the small microcosm of the U.S. that is Ossian.
It's crazy.. really, I've even been having dreams in my sleep about Canada. I think that makes me miss it even more. Looking back on it I say to myself "Wow did we really do that..." It is the weirdest thing to take a trip out of adventure, and naive wonderment and yet maybe that is what remains to haunt me in my memories. Haunt however is such a negative word, but it emphasizes the weight the trip still holds on my mind. Yet I'm left asking myself if it is not Canada its self that I miss, but rather the adventure, and the feeling of doing something that at a glance might be absurd but in the end pays off with such experience and memories.
While in time these feelings might fade, I hope they never completely disappear. There are so many places to see, and so many roads to travel, and behind every one is a destination, an adventure, a story, and memories.
I think one of the most Important things I bring from this trip is the desire to do it again. I think I've taken a personal vow to myself to not let this be the last travelogue I write. It is one of the few things I'm pretty sure about.
About Me
- Sam
- I'm a 22 year old College Student, part time delivery driver, and hockey enthusiast. I blabber about random fragments of my mind.
4 comments:
I bet it is the adventure you miss... I remember the moments during family vacations when the plane would first start to rumble forward, or the van would travel past the places that seemed familiar and hit a stretch of road I didn't know (of course, this is me, so that might have been when we hit I-69). There was, each time, a strange feeling in my stomach, not quite butterflies, definitely not fear or apprehension, but a really tingly sensation of "I wonder what's coming next." And it was so potent, so intense, that it could not possibly last the whole time we were gone, but it certainly hit me many times on each trip.
I remember distinctly the first night we spent in Hawaii, when I was looking out of our hotel window from my bed, watching the lights of Honolulu hotels and businesses twinkle on the hillside before me. "The feeling" hit me again, and despite being exahusted, I couldn't sleep. I just laid there, basking in that moment, nothing in my mind except for, "Wow. I'm here. I have no idea what I'll see tomorrow. I have such little time here. This is so amazing..." etc.
I also got that feeling each time a new semester started at college and law school. Very different surroundings, but I think for the same reasons--it was new, and had the tangible sensation that a whole new world laid before me waiting to be explored. I could reinvent myself all over again in this new space, or I could unknowingly change the person I currently am--or maybe even my own future--simply by what I might encounter in this new day or new semester or new city. It was just such a treasure trove of potential sitting before me. You're right that there is no feeling like that.
You and I have talked before about "fear" that comes with something new, especially something that promises to be exciting and potentially very positive. This feeling you know now? That feeling that makes you nostalgic for something you just let go of, or just experienced? That is the other side of that fear. That is what happens when you don't know what is in front of you, but you step forward anyway. That is what happens when your gut says, "I think this is a good thing," and your head says, "What the hell are you talking about, Gut?" and you decide to listen to your gut... and it's great.
Here's hoping that this is the first of MANY such tingling, set your nerves on edge, make you yearn for what might be next, moments and memories. Don't ever stop looking for ways to make more. And don't ever hesitate to take them when the opportunity comes. You will never regret it.
And great blog, by the way. :)
Very good......
I feel you bro
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